Arachnophobia

Ok, I hate spiders as much as I hate frogs which is saying a lot because I HATE frogs. Anyway, Lily and I have had this game going for over 3 years now with a fake spider that looks real...at least to me it does. I'll attach a picture to this post so you can get a good laugh out of me and roll your eyes if you want at my "realistic" spider..!!!
Anyway, so the game is we are allowed to hide this spider on each other and there are no rules...it can be anywhere...even in food! So, we have had a lot of good screams and laughs over the years. I think Lily's best so far was hiding it in the refrigerator on top of something..I can't remember what but I owe that one to my sister Rachel. She caught wind of this game and gave Lily some pointers. The ONLY rule with this game is neither of us are allowed to hide any other sort of fake creature at all...NOTHING. No fake snakes or bugs or anything and since I hate to be scared (LOATHE IT) we also are not allowed to scare anyone in this house. Period.
Well, since our move I haven't seen the spider. I've thought of it over the past 7 months or so but never knew where it was. Until today.
I went to put on a pair of shoes and felt something...I immediately pulled my foot out and threw the shoe across the room (no screams yet) and sat and pondered what to do. Doug is at work so I knew I MUST do something otherwise whatever the mysterious monster was would be on the loose. I got my courage together and picked up the shoe and hit it against the floor and out came the spider however in MY mind it was a REAL spider and I screamed so loud and felt my heart stop all at once. I HOLLERED for Lily to "GET YOUR BUTT DOWN HERE YOU ARE SO DEAD" and she came running....by the time she got to me I was laughing but poor Lily burst into tears when she saw that I was kidding with her. She literally thought I was mad at her..!!! So we both collected ourselves and she walked away feeling pretty proud of herself. She said "mom I did that A LONG time ago!!!"...she had even forgotten about where the spider was!!!!
I called Doug to tell him this story and he said that we must make the spider go "bye-bye" so that he doesn't come home from work one day and find his wife dead from heart attack. I don't know if he's serious or not...we'll see. But WOW...I've had enough excitement for today.
Ok so don't be getting any great ideas all you cyber friends...if you scare me, you might not be my friend anymore...ha!

Bless The Broken Road

I've always enjoyed this song and I believe my sister danced to this in her wedding...either way, it's a great song and so many are familiar with it and have claimed it as "their song". I don't have a song with Doug. We didn't dance at our wedding...in fact, we've never danced together. Doug doesn't like to dance. I don't feel like I'm missing out on anything, at least not now. I just enjoy sitting together with him over a cup of coffee or hot tea. I enjoy lounging on the couch while we talk till wee hours of the morning and he rubs my feet. I often wonder how we don't run out of things to talk about. He truly is my soul mate. I don't spend time thinking about this much at all but recently I was thinking about my past with relationships. I've been through so many broken hearts I can't even believe it. I had a high school sweetheart that I thought I would marry, I married once before and that lasted less than a year, I was engaged again after that...and sprinkled in between all those heartaches were other boyfriends. I have learned that those relationships were a quest to find true fulfillment and love....two things that can only be found in a relationship with God. It wasn't until I fully surrendered my broken heart and broken life to Jesus Christ that I was even in a position of having eyes to see what real love is all about. I "wasted" a lot of time and years on boys and men that were meaningless. I don't mean to say that those people were meaningless because some of them are great people and I was guilty of hurting some of them...but because my heart was not surrendered to God, those relationships didn't stand a chance. I pray often for my girls and pray that they will be secure in who they are in Christ and that they will not follow in my footsteps. That's another topic all together...shew! Anyway, I wanted to post these lyrics to a song that just sums it up. It sums up how I feel about my relationship with God first..but it also sums up the love and appreciation I have for my marriage to Doug and I'm so thankful that God has honored me in such a way as to bring us together. Doug was hand carved for me. And I was hand carved for Doug. I often wonder how God would have brought us together had I just remained single my entire life until I met him...it's just a mind game I play sometimes for fun...the "choose your own adventure" kind of thing..wondering how our paths would have crossed...but anyway, you get the point, right?
This picture was from our honeymoon spot in PA. Hope to return there someday...feels like we've been together forever. I love you Doug!

"Bless The Broken Road"

I set out on a narrow way many years ago
Hoping I would find true love along the broken road
But I got lost a time or two
Wiped my brow and kept pushing through
I couldn't see how every sign pointed straight to you

[Chorus:]
Every long lost dream led me to where you are
Others who broke my heart they were like Northern stars
Pointing me on my way into your loving arms
This much I know is true
That God blessed the broken road
That led me straight to you

I think about the years I spent just passing through
I'd like to have the time I lost and give it back to you
But you just smile and take my hand
You've been there you understand
It's all part of a grander plan that is coming true

[Chorus]

Now I'm just rolling home
Into my lover's arms
This much I know is true
That God blessed the broken road
That led me straight to you

That God blessed the broken road
That led me straight to you.

Values...

I love having Doug around. I really would be "ok" with him being home all the time...heh...of course we wouldn't have food to eat or money for rent...hmm...too bad you can't live on love. I've heard women talk about how irritated they get when their husbands are home too many days in a row, but I don't really understand. Don't get me wrong, sometimes Doug is gone for the evening and a teeny tiny part of me enjoys that I don't have to cook. The girls and I are HAPPY to eat peanut butter and jelly, in particularly me, since it's my favorite thing in the world. When Doug isn't home, we eat sandwiches and fruit for dinner..or perhaps just chips or something...(yikes!) Doug likes a good hot meal on nights he is home. Ok, back to the point of my post...
When I met Doug he was working about 13 hour days and many weekends. This became a big problem for me when we got married. At some point, it was cut back to about 10 hours and occasional weekends. Before we left Florida, he was working 8 hour days and never on the weekends....yes, this might sound nice, but the thing that was retarded was he was salary so back in the day when he was working 13 hour days, he was making the same as when we ended that job and he was there 8 hours a day....
Ok, now we are in Maryland...not only is he doing a job he loves and that he is MADE for, he is home SOOOO much more. We all eat together every morning and he's home in time to watch the girls while I make dinner. He has 2 days off a week and Sundays he just works during church hours...needless to say, we are together a lot as a family. It's such an amazing blessing. This might not last forever. Perhaps his job will become more involved or perhaps he'll have to get a second job if the economy keeps going down...or perhaps he'll change jobs entirely and life as we know it now will change. For now, we are enjoying what we have and we find ourselves thanking God weekly for it. We would choose family time and unity and peace in our home over the big bucks ANY day. I mean, if he could make a ton of money working a 35 hour week..fine, we would happily receive (ha!) but from what we've observed...the people making the big bucks are working considerably more than that and they are taking their work home with them and seem very distracted most of the time. This post is in defense of the comments I have gotten about his lack of drive, etc. The way I see it, Doug DOES know what he wants, and he's ran after it hard..and it's got eternal rewards.
The truth is, I don't know a more hard working father/husband than Doug. He's by far the most hands on father I've ever seen or heard of. Not to say there aren't others like him, I just don't know of them. There are many times when I think that he knows more about the girls than I do. Yet, he still feels like he doesn't do enough or that he's not a good enough dad, etc. It blows me away. Perhaps it makes ME lazy or unmotivated...I want to be like Doug when I grow up...

Happy Anniversary to US!!!!

WOW, I'm so terrible at updating this blog!!!! I think I'm W-A-Y addicted to facebook and it sucks all my energy/time..haha. No but seriously...tonight Doug and I went on a date to celebrate 4 years together! Our anniversary was yesterday but we had the pleasure of having friends from Florida stop through for a visit so we went out tonight. Before we left Florida, I had 2 friends tell me that they were beginning to pray that I would meet great Christian friends here in Maryland and find someone quickly that I could trust to watch my kids...and find someone I could share my heart with, etc...I'm sure there were others praying but I specifically remember 2 friends telling me that.
WELL, God answered that prayer...I've actually met several really great folks here that I could ask for help but the one friend in particular, Kristen, is just exactly the kind of person and friend that I truly prayed for...She was a real gem tonight (and her mom too!) and I was able to go out with my sweet husband and enjoy a really nice dinner and some shopping and just some quality time talking..we laughed because it was our first date in 4 years without a nursing baby in tow or a baby in my belly...haha!
We went to PF Chang's...our favorite...!!!..then we continued on to REI (YAY!!!) and then of course, Walmart..I don't think we can go on a date without hitting Walmart!!!
I just want to say that I feel like the luckiest girl alive to have such an amazing husband who is so involved in my every day life and loves our girls so much and is attentive and excited to be with us as much as possible. He's truly a gift from God and I can't believe it's only been 4 years. I feel like we've walked together for many many years. Our relationship is such a picture of God's grace...we both have quite the past behind us...stories of brokenness and heartache and sin and disaster...but we lay awake just about every night basking in the beauty of our relationship. It's not typically all mushy and lovey dovey...but the way we communicate and interact is truly a gift...I know I take Doug for granted most of the time and I thank God for anniversaries to really make us stop and thank HIM for the blessing of our relationship and to reflect on all we are so graciously given through one another. I hope our relationship is a light to others...to our children first and foremost and then to friends and relatives and even strangers.
Walking with Doug is a blessing...it's comforting...it's relaxing...it's safe...it's undeserved and I'm so thankful...
"Thank you God, for every minute that I'm able to spend here on earth with this man. I hope to honor you, O Lord, through my relationship with Doug..."

All about me...according to my 8 year old daughter, Lily

I shared this on facebook too but since it was time for an update on my blog, I figured I would post this...I'm lacking the creativity to come up with something new!
I'm sure you'll figure out that my private comments are the ones in parenthesis!
Enjoy!

1. What is something mom always says to you?
"Be quiet the babies are sleeping!!!!"

2. What makes mom happy?
"when someone babysits us and you can go on a date with daddy"

3. What makes mom sad?
"when the freezer door won't shut"

4. How does your mom make you laugh?
"when she starts breakin' down in the kitchen" (oh my goodness!!! busted, trying to dance!!!!)

5. What was your mom like as a child?
"goofy on christmas morning"

6. How old is your mom?
"32"

7. How tall is your mom?
"I don't know that stuff!!!!"

8. What is her favorite thing to do?
"laying out in the sun with me"

9. What does your mom do when you're not around?
"clean and take care of babies"

10. If your mom becomes famous, what will it be for?
"basketball"

11. What is your mom really good at?
"cooking"

12. What is your mom not very good at?
"ooh that's hard! nothing really..." (Lily must be easy to please!)

13. What does your mom do for her job?
"stays home and takes care of us"

14. What is your mom's favorite food?
stonewood grill (decent guess but not exactly the case)

15. What makes you proud of your mom?
"when she drives us safely to virginia and back" (Lily doesn't know about my speeding ticket since it wasn't a cop pulling me over, it was the photo type)

16. If your mom were a cartoon character, who would she be?
"something awesome!"

17. What do you and your mom do together?
"cook and schooling"

18. How are you and your mom the same?
"we like to bake goodies and we look alike"

19. How are you and your mom different?
"you like math and I hate it" (um...I hate math too..shhh!!!)

20. How do you know your mom loves you?
"because you take care of me"

21. Where is your mom's favorite place to go?
"rita's" (um..i've been once)

the secret of being content

You know, with all this talk about recession, I really wasn't sure I was feeling the effects of it. Sure, I was hurting when gas was 4$ a gallon and it makes me really sick when I see the price of orange juice or bread and peanut butter going sky high...but honestly, I've never been rich...well, I realize that is a relative statement because compared to most the world we are very wealthy. My point is, even when Doug and I first got married and things were "normal", we pinched pennies because we had to. Doug allowed me to stay home and with that came sacrifices financially because Doug's line of work wasn't exactly bathing us in dollar bills. We had what we needed to pay the rent and all the bills we had and occasionally go out for dinner and even take day trips to Miami Zoo once in awhile ...but really, those treats were when Doug was getting quarterly bonuses from his boss. Those bonuses stopped about 2 years ago. Now, we are in a different state, in a different house with a different job and a very different pay check amount. With the amount of our income decreased and our bills the same (and in some cases, increased) we are going to have to get creative as this makes no sense on paper... I haven't really felt like the recession is cramping my style at all because we've always been in a position where we had to really pay attention to what we were spending.

This is how I felt before tonight.

Tonight at dinner Lily starts talking about how she wishes we could go out to dinner more and she wishes she could go get ice-cream all the time, etc. She said that she doesn't understand why we can't make more money so she can have all the things she wants. I started to get really annoyed with how she sounded but then it dawned on me that deep inside I was actually feeling that way. I do miss going out to dinner every week. I do miss having enough play money to be able to swing through the drive thru and get a cup of coffee or take the kids to Chick-fil-A. I needed to actually admit that to myself. Thanks to the child in my life who doesn't really think before speaking, she helped me see where my heart was at.
It was a good opportunity for her and I and Doug to really talk about where we all are. We all admitted that we do miss the luxuries we had and we do hope that someday things will look brighter and we can take more trips and plan more outings and eat out at our favorites places . For now, we will make a point to thank God for what He IS giving us daily in those moments where we feel like whining or feeling sorry for ourselves. That is a commitment Lily and I made tonight. What's so funny about this whole situation is the other night Lily was saying "wow, mom, I love that we moved here and we are doing fun things here that we never did in Florida like making s'mores all the time and having fish stick and french fries for dinner!!!" (ha!!) but then tonight she was saying "whoa is me"...so really, she was just being a kid. That is how children are...but I was able to see in myself that I still behave in those childish ways and if she had not voiced her mind tonight, I might not have seen how discontent I was growing. I reminded Lily (and myself) that one day things may be so tight that we won't even be able to buy ingredients for s'mores. I taught her that s'mores are NOT a need (I know many of you may argue that point and say that chocolate IS one of the food groups!!!) but something we want. We are blessed to be able to have things that we want. Doug and I, as her parents, want to bless her with things she wants....and God wants the same for Doug and I as HIS children. We may not be able to eat out once a week or splurge on curtains and new furniture(and the list goes on) but God HAS given us good gifts in other ways. I am close to my parents...Doug is working a job he has a passion for, I'm STILL able to stay home with my kids(and that list goes on too).
David was famous for saying "Bless the Lord, O my soul"....I can't remember where I heard it (maybe my mom..?) but someone told me that David had to command his soul to bless the Lord. It wasn't always a voluntary thing. He was down and out many times and I doubt he was complaining because he didn't get his Chick-fil-a fix for the week!
So with that, I will command my soul to Bless the Lord in all my circumstances. When I have little and when I have much. When I have Cracker Barrel for dinner or when I spend the day preparing meals for my family. When I am able to go the mall and splurge on new clothes or when we spend hours in the Goodwill hunting down what it is we truly need.
I want to be like Paul when he says "I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances"...Paul knew what it was to have little and he knew what it was to have a lot. I can't say I've ever truly been in need...There may come a day when that is the case and I hope I can trust God as much as I do now...I thank God for providing ALL our needs. With that, I'm going to go enjoy a cup of coffee and a peanut butter and jelly sandwich...for those of you that know me, THAT is the royal treatment!!!! I would choose PB&J over the finest of restaurants....now who's living high on the hog???!!!

Fresh perspective...

Well, that last post left a lot to be desired...yikes! I was in such a terrible mood...but I was feeling humorous as well...
Today I'm feeling like things are more normal than they have been in quite some time. The girls are all sleeping all night without waking up to wail for no apparent reason. Aspen is sleeping 12 hour stretches so I feel like a new woman! It was pleasant today in terms of temperature and I could see a silver lining. I wish I could rejoice even when all is gloomy and I'm irritable but hey..we are all a work in progress, right?
We have decided to continue home schooling Lily. Our other options didn't really work out and I figured out some of the hoops I needed to jump through in order to keep doing what we were doing in Florida without having any major issues. I am slowly making some new acquaintances that are home schooling and I'm confident by the fall we will have a lot of the resources that are available to us figured out and can feel a bit more connected here.
Doug's job is going well. He's got a big task before him but I'm confident he will be able to do it (with God's help!) and it's great to see him enjoying his work for the first time since I've known him! Praise God for that!!!
So, that's it for now folks...here are some more pictures that were taken in Naples before we moved..enjoy!

Warning...I'm not in the best of moods...

When I leave a cup of ice water on the counter/table and return an hour later, it's still a cup of ice water....not a melted, sweating cup.

When I leave butter on the counter to soften so I can bake with it, it doesn't soften.

When I bring a mug of coffee in the car on the way to CBS and leave it because I don't have enough hands to carry it in with, it's iced coffee when I return to the car instead of being warm like it was when this would happen in Florida.

When I open my car door to get in or out of the car I have to hold the door pretty securely or it might just rip off the hinge...I'm not kidding. This has happened to people we know.

I never needed GPS in Florida, nor wanted it. Doug bought me one for Valentines Day after I got lost on one of my first outings.

I find myself staying in pajamas all day on many days. The thought of going anywhere in this cold is anything but appealing.

Sage throws a complete tantrum whenever I try to put her winter coat on. She sits in her car seat and looks so stiff and...well, basically ticked off.

My hands are borderline numb as I'm typing this...I'm not exaggerating. Do they make heated keyboards?

I have to remind myself every day that GOD brought us here. Otherwise I would be hauling butt back to Florida.

That is all for now.

Home sweet....house

Well, we are here trying to set up our home but it's still feeling like I'm on vacation or something. I'm not living out of my suitcase anymore, in fact we are all unpacked except Aspen. I need a dresser for her room so she's living out of a suitcase but I don't think she minds! She's been SUCH a trooper....good girl, Aspen!
Holly and Sage on the other hand are still out of sorts quite a bit. Holly doesn't do well with change and Sage has become quite attached to her daddy since he's been off work for about 6 weeks now. She calls him "Doug" which is hysterical to hear...
Lily is doing pretty well but she R-E-A-L-L-Y misses her friends! Speaking of Lily, Doug and I are contemplating sending her to the school that is affiliated with the church Doug is working for. They have a small Christian school...her class has 7 other kids in it. She went the other day to check it out and loved it so now we are just waiting on the Lord as to whether this is what we should do. The homeschooling laws are a bit more regimented here in Maryland and I've been completely overwhelmed since Aspen was born (with the move and stuff...she's an easy baby!) and so we will probably send her to traditional school for an indefinite amount of time. I'm thankful that we have the option....!
Doug has only been to work for 4 days now so it's hard to tell how the job will be but so far he's loved it. He's like a kid in a candy store. I'm SO thrilled...
The house is great. We are adjusting to not having a garage, which is really a pain to me but hardly seems like something to complain about. We need a lot of new furniture because our old living room stuff won't fit here. We have it in the living room but it's really too big for it..our original plan was to put it down in the basement but the movers (and Doug and my dad) couldn't fit it down the narrow halls/stairs...RATS!
For those of you that don't know, I do NOT like to decorate and shop...it's stressful to me...crazy huh?!!
We have had mostly decent weather since arriving last week. Yes, it's been cold but not unbearable, however the past 2 days we've had terrible wind and apparently much of the country has had it as well so we aren't alone but it's been very strange/eerie to hear it. Even after living downtown Chicago, I have never experienced wind like this!
I'm starting CBS (Community Bible Study) next week and I'm so excited to get plugged in again with that ministry. I am going to be teaching again but I'm not sure what age I'll have yet.
The move itself was a nightmare and one that is still not over..we are trying to work out a lot of issues, like fees and unexplained charges and damaged items.. all this is what is contributing to it not feeling like home yet but I know in time and patience we will be feeling warm and cozy! I have been reminding Lily that although these times are hard because our friends and family aren't right here, we have each other. This is one of those rare times when a family is really forced to stick together much more than any other times when friends and family ARE right at our doorstep all the time. We have had to come together and really encourage each other in the last couple weeks because it's been very difficult. Leaving Naples was one of the hardest things I've ever done...
The folks at our new church have been MORE than helpful and welcoming to us and I'm excited to get more involved. I actually had to call there today and ask one of the ladies for directions because I was out looking for Wal-mart and got lost! I couldn't find Doug on his extension so I called the receptionist...it was so funny. I really need GPS!!!!!
So, that's about it for now. God is awesome and still very faithful and taking really good care of us! My children are healthy and happy and Doug and I are stronger than ever together...!
The picture of our entire family was taken in Naples before we left...what a great memory!

would you LOOK at that tree!!!!????

So, Doug and I had a WONDERFUL time in Maryland scoping out the land and the church...it was a whirlwind! We almost weren't even sure we would both be going because the girls all got the flu the day we were leaving but thanks to some awesome friends of ours who took our sick kids (the O'berski's ARE amazing!) we went! Doug and I both were sick like dogs on the plane so we traded baby Aspen back and forth....thankfully the entire back of the plane was empty besides us! All the realtors turned us down and no one was much help at all when we were up there and on the day we were to leave to come home we were pretty discouraged! We KNEW God was calling us to this church but where were we going to live??!! Surely God wasn't calling us there just to have us staying in a tiny apartment? Was He? Well, we were willing...I had really resolved myself to apartment living because I was just so excited for this job opportunity for Doug and I fell in love with the church upon sight...
God had this cute little cape cod house up His sleeve for us! The landlady called us in just the nick of time and we drove out to the country (but only about 15 minutes from Target so it's OK folks!! haha) to see this adorable house...when we pulled up and saw this enormous chestnut tree in the yard we about had heart attacks. Lily prayed very specifically for a house with stairs in it (she has a love of stairs...?) and she also wanted a big tree she could climb. The ladder was just another way of showing His incredible love for us all...it's just sitting there waiting for Lily to climb up! He is so good to us.
I really could go on and on about the weekend trip but truthfully I'm still digesting it all and I'm so extremely tired these days. Aspen is completely bucking the system with us...the other 3 girls were all "trained" to sleep through the night by 6 weeks of age and she is just not about to comply. Between that and all the packing and the planning and the organizing and the WORRYING (because although I cast all my cares upon Him, I still have this thing for worry....blah!) I am so exhausted! But I really did want to update this and let everyone know that God really does care about us. He is a personal God..not some "big man upstairs". For those of you that don't really understand having a PERSONAL relationship with Him, wow...ask me about it! Let me share with you about it because things like a tree in a yard of a house with 2 sets of stairs is just the beginning. He manifested Himself to Doug and I in so many ways these past 2 years in search of the job that would allow Doug to do what he has a passion for doing.
The journey isn't over. In fact, there are still PLENTY of obstacles to overcome with this new job and as with most new jobs, we are on a probation period so by the grace of God, this will be a great opportunity for Doug.
We plan to pull out of Naples on February 2...with many tears being shed. I can't bring myself to think about how painful it will be to not be "pajama distance" from my "Ant" Barb...and all the friends and family we are leaving behind...ahh!! But we know we are following God...with that, g'night folks...more to come!

I'm going to freeze....

So, the interview in Maryland seemed to go really well..they offered Doug the job and now we are just praying and seeking God in this and together we are flying up this weekend to check out housing and the area a bit more. Also, Doug wanted me to see the church and meet the people and see what my thoughts/feelings are on the whole situation.
So we have spent the last week gathering warm clothes for Aspen and I. Doug seems to have what he needs since he used to spend a lot of time out in Colorado but I gave all my warm clothes up years ago...I've been blessed with friends that have hooked me up with things and also Aspen has several friends sharing with her too! :)
I'm really nervous about the trip (mostly because my baby, Sage, was sick this week and I'm really wondering if the other girls will get sick and my dear sister in law is going to be staying here with them all weekend and I just really hope it is a smooth weekend....) but I really am excited in a way too because this might be the start of something new and I'm wanting to absorb it all and just enjoy every moment.
Be looking for another post in a week or two when we decide if this is the next step...
Oh and I just think this picture of Aspen is hilarious. She still loves to sleep and it doesn't take much at all for her to just crash. Of course, she still thinks 10pm is the time to wake up and party all night...